Thursday, October 1, 2009
This week I've had a fairly large awakening and epiphany in my life. As a part of Antioch's 3 day fast, I went to several of the prayer/worship meetings throughout the days. On Monday I got filled up with more of the Holy Spirit to connect with God more deeply and intimately, dancing on the devil and being built up on the inside as a strong man of God. Tuesday was difficult...but Wednesday night provided a ton of breakthrough. After church was over, I found myself wandering around not wanting to leave for some reason. As I aimlessly wandered at the front of the room, a guy named Tony came up to me and prayed for me saying God highlighted me to him all through the evening and he saw that God had a lot of presence and favor on me, and he wanted to ask why. He had a vision for me; he saw me coming up over the hill, dancing, crazy abandoned for Jesus, and I had a giant army behind me. I've had a similar vision/word given to me at least 3 other times the past few weeks. Anyways, as he kept praying several things started to get inside my spirit...that I would be a "yes" man for God, that there would be a yes in my heart, in my inner man, an automatic, no-hesitation yes for God whenever he called me to do something. That I was made weak so God could be strong through me. Then another guy joined in praying for me. The holy spirit was moving in my heart as I began to laugh and move at His guidance. As more of the holy spirit and His revelation hit me I would flinch and wince in joy. Owen Wible soon joined in, and when he prayed for me a TON of joy flooded me! I started falling down, and God's holy spirit and joy baptized me anew! WOW! I was undone with His goodness, his joy, and I was fine with looking like a fool for Him. After a long time of rolling around on the floor with Owen praying for me, we got up and he could barely stand. He was so drunk, so wasted in the holy spirit, and I wanted what he had. I said to him "I don't think I've been drinking enough wine!" and then I asked him if he could give me what he had. So we went at it again, SO MUCH FUN! We both were knocked down in the spirit and God released to me a sensitivity to his spirit that would control and dominate me, and God released groanings in the spirit. Wow. God is so fun, so good, so loving! After the night was over I found myself joyful and satisfied. But this morning when I met with Jeff Jones for discipleship, I felt a conviction and a guilt (which I now realize is NOT from God!) that I must strive to reach out to others. I felt a weight that I need to share the gospel and pray for people I don't know. But God has just spoken to me that although that is His heart for his people, His yoke is easy, His burden is light, and there is NO striving! I only need to rest in Him, and follow Him. It's so SIMPLE!!! I want to share out of joy, not obligation! I want to share though. And I yearn and I PRAY that as I seek Him out that he will show me how to overflow where and when and how He wants me to. He has removed all my guilt for not sharing with people, and he's filling in me a new heart, new love for people, a passion for giving freely to all I come in contact with! And now that I think about it again, what am I called to do, but surrender myself to Him. I want to give myself to God, give myself completely to God. And let Him do what He wants since He knows best. So in the end, it's only about letting go! As I let go, I lose feelings of obligation. Instead, I just do what Holy Spirit says! Following Jesus. So SIMPLE!